Dr. Samir H Dalwai, Developmental Behavioural Paediatrician

I often get asked during school workshops – “How can parents create a supportive environment around their child’s education that enables them to better cope with exam stress and have a healthy outlook towards their schooling?”

The answer to this question begins by reversing the question. Unless one has a “healthy” outlook towards schooling, there cannot be a supportive environment around the child’s education, nor can they cope with exam stress.

Unfortunately, if schooling is associated with performance, there will always be a hyper and isolated focus on examination, inevitably leading to exam stress. Subsequently, failures in examinations (inability to score the desired marks) are seen as a pervasive failure leading to depression and even self-harm.

Here are some things parents can do to change this situation. I call this a recipe- there is no exact formula, you can mix the ingredients as you like!

Parents, things to be mindful of:

1. Be mindful about what you consider the role of education and schooling. It is necessary to remind oneself that school is the place your child will meet the real world in a safe space – look at it as a process towards education. Do not consider it as a place to get your child to acquire a degree.
2. ‘Good vs Bad, Right or Wrong, Correct of Incorrect’, etc. are all binaries. They are modifications of the ‘fight and flight reaction’, representative of the primordial or pre human brain. Education is the process of training the brain for thinking and analysis- to evaluate both sides of a debate as well as an many sides that there may be- to conclude that there may be more than one correct answer; yet being able to choose the one most relevant to the context. Hence, make sure your child is focused on the why and how and not just the what and where. An ‘educated’ mind is more likely to analyse success and failure more maturely and deal with stress appropriately.
3. Information can be acquired in the library or at the click of a button today. School is the only place your child has an opportunity to make real friendships and learn to build lasting relationships. Make sure you prioritise this for your child.

Parents, things to practice:

4. Help your child learn the value of planning. Treat every exam like a new project. Break down the syllabus into smaller goals- write it down. Make a list of x chapters to be studied in y Allot specific hours and days for specific goals. Participate in this process- play an active role in the planning; and support – with that salad or that cup of warm milk or occasionally with writing some notes.
5. Review the progress regularly- at the end of every day and every week. Re-allot what has not been completed. Turn it into a project with a streak of adventure rather than a series of tasks.
6. Celebrate each small milestone! ‘Yay, we finished the first reading of history chapters!’ Celebrate it with a small snack or a walk to your favourite store or just an impromptu dance session!
7. Plan to celebrate correct milestones – completing an examination, rather than planning to celebrate results. Better to say, ‘Hey, let’s get a pet cat once you finish your exams’ rather than ‘Hey, let’s get a pet cat when you score 90% or a particular rank’.
8. Keep the conversation around fun things and wholesome things that mark life rather than the examinations. Keep the Chachaas and the Chaachis in the conversation, rather than cutting them off. “This year are our son’s Boards- so we won’t be going for that family marriage or family vacation or having our uncle over” – don’t do that! Of course, restrict all this near an important exam but don’t make the child feel as if their world has moved over into a new entity due to the Boards. This only creates a disproportionately greater importance of examinations and increases stress.

In summary, be mindful of and prioritise life over marks and living over performance! Life is beautiful (watch this movie!) only if you practice living every day!

Also read: Child experts ask Maharashtra government to revoke order on nursery age